She Goes

'Public' just isn't something I do well lately. Putting myself out there mingling with others can be harder some days more than others. These are those days.

This panic and dread run like a current of electricity deep in the depths of me. I'm a jellyfish. I feel the fool, cought in a momentarily stunned response during encounters with most social settings. My mind sets itself on fleeing, on evading what may be neccessary, and what should not be put off.

But there I go - off again... going as always.

Loco-motive

You'd be dismayed by the way my mood sashays around indifference. It is not placid, as it has nothing to do with tolerance or content. Indifference is a lack of any deep emotion, concern, or care. Today is stagnant and enemy of anything constructive. My moods flip switches and throw me off the rails time to time. The next junction could be an hour from now, the results a crash or pass. All I can do is look out the window.

Foul fowl

I've run into a bit of a problem concerning the sofa we planned to purchase. It unfortunately is made with feathers for part of the filler... and I'm allergic. I'm not sure how big of a deal it would be, or if I could do something to prevent a reaction, such as a special inner cover of some sort for said cushions. It is slipcovered which I'd prefer seeing I have dogs and would want to change it eventually. There is another style we are interested in which is leather. Would that be enough of a barrier? The models I speak of are the Ikea EKTORP and ARILD. Should I just try somewhere else?

The roadblock has dampened the excitement of replacing our current dilapidated couch. If anyone has suggestions or experience to offer please comment. I'd really appreciate a response immensely.

When in doubt, move the couch

After a long day of steam cleaning the living room furniture (and office carpet) the area appears quite a bit different. The furniture has been moved about and placed differently having the chance. Though my dog is not impressed with the layout, having removed easy access to the window, I believe it's immensely better than before. The sofa has seen better days, so worn and abused. Part of the frame was recently broken. The cushions are back-breaking misshapen from the weight of dogs, when perched on the back to enjoy the view of the yard. The mailman, passing neighbors, and my ringing ears are grateful for the prospect of peace and quiet. Things will be practically 'bark-free' for the next while.

We will be replacing the old lumpy couch with a brand new one (hopefully this weekend). This time I only want the dogs on it when we are. This will be a tad difficult (that's putting it lightly) seeing Amelie's affinity for climbing. She must have been a mountain goat in a former life the way she maneuvers her way upwards wherever possible with such confidence. The new improved sitting apparatus will be used for doing that alone, not adventure.

I'm such a softy, made so by her pout. She knows how to make my heart melt. None to worry, I'll be figuring out some solution to her entertainment dilemma. A temporary fix is already in place, and I plan on getting a stool or storage for her to prop herself up on. It ain't easy being small, after all. In fact I think that's how the couch got there in the first place.

Heated discussion

It seems I'm in the mood for a cool evening, seeing it's been a blazing hot day. Opening the door to let the dogs tip-toe out onto the biting hot pavement is a lot like opening an oven door and having heat hitting you in the face. Dang, that's hot!

I've shut the house up tight as a drum to keep the temperature down, though sure when my boyfriend gets home he'll insist whipping the doors and windows open.

"Air circulation" he'll say. To which I'll reply, "that's what the fans are for, darling. Really now, honestly..."

All thumbs

I did a vicious amount of planting over the weekend in my parents' new rock garden. It was nice to see my parents spending time together in the midst of their project too. An enjoyable event until I took a spill on the steps into the flower bed, lugging one of the pudgier pekes into the house. It might have been worse, had I fallen none too gently into a nearby cement urn and whacked my head to top it off, so I feel rather unscathed by the incident.

Being the domestic goddess that I am (I truly kid that), I whipped up some homemade repellent to deter the merciless mosquitoes. My Dad sung it's praises to the neighbors. Recipe for this magic elixir has been sought by the block, though I have yet to pen the ingredients. Darrel was there to offer hand and muscle which was truly appreciated ;). Our own landscape received a few welcome additions provided by the garden nursery excursions, getting supplies for the yard next door. This ended the remaining hours of my boyfriend's vacation time (his dissatisfaction with his job even more prominent).

In our own garden, the seeds sown weeks ago have emerged into tiny seedlings, barely pin-pricks of green on a dirt canvas. The initial leafy residents from a summer ago's dig seem to have taken home nicely, with little effort. The Japanese painted fern we planted the year before (presumed dead or certainly missing), has been a barren spot within our populated flower bed for months. Though we expected it hadn't made it over winter - it pushed up curly fiddle heads practically overnight. The midnight purple frond was camouflaged by the surrounding black earth With a growth spurt so sudden - I rubbed my eyes in disbelief!

The nurture and nature of summer has inspired the gardener within. With our new found green thumbs, we've been bitten by the gardening bug for sure.

In pursuit of cuteness and all it's whimsy,
I'm tempted to add an entrance
within the garden (of specific purpose)...

a fairy door,of course.

Here's some gardening humour I dug up. Enjoy!

Absent

I've felt less than grand the last couple of days. It could be due to the fact I'm not at my usual dose of meds because the local pharmacy keeps screwing up. It could be just my usual down cycle when my mood turns badly blue. I'm not sure which is the culprit. The only thing I'm certain of is that I feel messed up.

I haven't blogged in ages for a handful of reasons but I've felt rather empty without it. My fellow bloggers are some of the dearest friends I have and yet I don't even really know them. The sense of community and belonging are something I've been missing a great deal.

So I'm easing my way back into the fold, trying to write this snippet about myself. I've been up with the birds for over an hour now, mulling about life in general. Perhaps I'll sit back with my cup of coffee and do some reading...
catching up with some old friends.

All washed up

Leave it to me to take a perfectly innocent event and turn it into something horrible...

Trying to be productive I decided to do a few loads of laundry on Friday. When I went to transfer it into the dryer the next day I realized I'd made a terrible mistake. I should have been more careful,and concern myself with the detail of checking pockets diligently - but I didn't. Darrel's mobile phone took a full cycle dunk with the rest of the clothes. At least I noticed before it went in the dryer, which was somehow comforting looking unmarred and intact.

OH NO! That's all I could bloody think. It's new and he splurged on all the bells and whistles and I RUINED IT.

So I basically felt like shit the rest of the day, guilty as hell for this mishap and all the others I'd gotten myself into. Indeed, I saw myself as the plague. Maybe my Dad and so many others were right - I never seemed to do anything right. How could I deny such evidence? Such costly and foolish mistakes. All mine.

Add the fact that the his visiting Mother noticed a new condensation problem with the toilet in the bathroom where the walls are laminated to match the floor, and where the shower unit managed to warp and pull away from the wall. Remember, this is the house he would have never opted for if it weren't for me. That same house whose furnace keeps crapping out, wiring needs completely redoing, with disappointingly shoddy wood floors and awful burgundy/purple painted walls.

At least today, when the Cell seemed completely dry I summoned the nerve to turn it on. Thank God my prayers were answered! It appears to be in working order, so far as I can tell. Phew, I did let out a minor exhale! One less casualty by fault of my own. Sweet miracle it is - I am so grateful for it.

Behind closed doors

OK...
Call me crazy but I'm dreading company today. It really isn't the visitor in particular, but my just wanting to be alone. Maybe immerse myself in art. I'm too tense.

People send me into a panic. Gosh, I know it's unavoidable. I feel overwhelmed and the option to escape becomes all that matters. I'm not always like this though, and on those occasions - thank goodness for that. Once I'm at where I need to be, with whomever I should be - I'm usually fine. Why some days I feel more cornered than others is a mystery.

All I know is that this morning my heart feels like its in my throat and I physically want to back away like a scared animal... It's just plain daffy.

Total Recall

Who knew my mom was right all along?

The pet food recall only reinforces her belief. As a little girl her dogs ate real food scraps, a healthy variety of home made meals from the farm. Those were healthy dogs.

With a little bit of nutrition know-how she continued out of necessity, creating a diet for dogs with special needs. It all started when she adopted a puppy with allergies. The tradition carried on as she nursed a rescued stray with electrolyte imbalances. Caring for some problematic Pekingese of a fussy nature only furthered her reasoning.

She's been feeding the dogs home cooked meals, avoiding store bought prepared canned pet food for ages. Every dog since has lived happily and healthy. I'm a firm believer in organic options.

Personally, I've done my research and really read the labels. My pooches get the royal treatment enjoying garden veggies, chicken, barley, and fruits like blueberries in their favorite dry food. Amelie's food sensitivity led us through dozens of varieties of 'vet approved' products. The latest poison scare makes me glad I went with a more natural approach.

Some recipes to try...

Real Food for Dogs: 50 Vet-Approved Recipes to Please the Canine Gastronome