Phone calls and bowling balls

What a morning!
So much for my getting any sleep...

It all started with Amelie chaffing at the bit to go outside. Once I was up I had a hard time getting back to bed. Just as I relented and had barely dozed off... Speckles decided, by the sounds of it - to play 10 pin down the hallway! Like a bowling ball rolling - the floor rumbled like inside an alley during some 'early' morning tournament. Between each of my sleepy groans of protest - she continued to play. Then the other dog began licking whatever exposed limbs I had, as I tugged at the comforter for cover. Even my lazy handed attempts at a belly rub wouldn't satisfy her enough to let me be. Finally, when the phone rang with the usual 'wrong number' (an equally annoying occurrance lately) I gave in to my fate. Despite my hazy protest I was begrudgingly AWAKE.

I never did find the source of Speckles game (which I thought surely was some dredged-up massive bone giving her chase). So, to everyone that meets the misfortune of my contact today... forgive me for being cranky, though the reason why is no mystery. I'm just bloody tired, that's all.

PS: After trying an assortment of browsers I was finally able to make this post.
Heads up! I'll be moving to Wordpress shortly...Go figure.

Isn't she lovely?

Having just been sent some digital pictures from Amelie's last visit to 'sugar-free grandma's', I thought I'd post one to share with you.

I Long to Be...

I had those god-awful bad dreams again. I woke up so upset with myself at 6AM and didn't want to go back to sleep. I was made to feel like nothing at all, without love and powerless, thinking I'd rather be dead than feel all this again. I hate them so much. The never-ending nagging headache I've got tops it all off.

I've restarted my super list. My end-all, beat-all ultimate list of lists. I've distanced myself from my nightmare some what, so I'm pushing forward as the day wears on. When I can't concentrate or participate I need a plan to follow. Create order where I feel there is none. I guess it helps to know I'm up to something. Each check mark reminds me I accomplished a bit for the day. Each deed creates a purpose so that I might belong.

Elation and exaspiration

Creative turmoil. Having the ability without the means. The process to bring my art into fruition meets many roadblocks. Even lacking a simple table proves an obstacle. Also age feels a burden these days. If I were younger I'd have grown up in a world with better access to the tools and steps required to meet my potential. All I know is how being so naive and anxious drowned countless opportunity. I admit it all sounds a bit whiney, and it is.

Have you ever had a huge desire to learn, everything? The manic plight of being pulled into many directions, a-buzz with ideas and a laughably inexistent focus to achieve a single one? All I really need is a plan. A path to follow. But pouring myself into a dream starts that drowning feeling. Pretty soon I'm gasping for air, stranded on a desolate beach somewhere, very singular and feeling dire. Elation and exasperation. But my art is not brooding or sober to the plight of mankind. It isn't heavy so the angst this routine provides doesn't fuel my artistic fire. It's silly and playful and meant to be buoyant. Drat that sinking gravity when it pulls me under.

Heck, I'm being melodramatic and I know it. That's my nature.

Life rushes by. How do you get a handle on it?

About Valentine's Day

What's your take on love?
Matthew Good... I couldn't have said it better myself.

Back track

Today I couldn't help but reminisce about the time I was working at the bathbomb store. Just seeing a picture of any of the specialty soaps we carried brings it all back.

I guess a nose never forgets. I can still imagine every scent of the products we carried. I must have trained my nose well. Admittedly, I miss the shop terribly. My knowledge of the product and abilities truly meshed working there. Leaving the politics of the job behind, I truly loved it. Such sensory delight!

Of course I loved the job I transferred from to go there. Same company, different merchandise. The variety of such, was divine. It was the one job I felt 'cool' working at. The first one that my co-workers were truly nice to me. I can't think of any other jobs I enjoyed more.
But things change, and we move on.

Life has it's graces.
Looking back, what I was and who I am differ greatly. My devilish brain antagonizes but hasn't killed me. I've been fortunate, though unfamiliar. I'm blessed with the support of my mate and my family, who understand my manic nature. I'm afforded the time to create my art, and cope with my souls instabilities.

The past had it's moments, but today is promising...
At least the way I see it.

Agony

Maybe it's a melt-down from the holiday frenzy but I'm totally trashed (in the mental sense anyway). Everything makes me sad, in that ironic heart gouging sort of way. Whoever is holding the hole-punch and turning my hope to confetti, mission accomplished...

You've certainly spoiled my fun.

Canada Post: the nightmare before christmas

I'm about to blow a gasket. Really I am.

Not only did they 'attempt' to deliver a parcel (a present, no less) to the wrong house, they also left the tracking number sticker on the delivery notice they left. OMG! So when I go get my merchandise the outlet cannot find it! The distribution depot will probably get a hold of me in 5 days, AFTER Christmas. Too bad they are open Saturday just for Christmas parcel dilevery because mine is just sitting lost and ignored.

Plenty of people blame the holiday rush, that mishaps can occur. Puleez! I have had grief with the mail system here in Canada too many times to count. I’ve had so many items lost and damaged both from and to me.

Good grief! Charlie Brown, you can't out aaargh me!

Lack lustre

I've taken to the night-life again, seeing it's the only time I feel alright. That isn't a huge problem seeing I could do without the dreams lately. Thus, I'm not terribly fond of sleeping.

I do find myself struggling to keep awake during key-times throughout the day though. Crazy as it sounds, I do wake up from a lucid state sitting at the computer once and a while. I wouldn't say it's a problem yet. Even if I do take short naps when I allow myself it's still better than the slumber that would drag on for hours in the past.

I haven't been in a talking mood, and I guess a writing one either (seeing I haven't posted as often). It's a shame really, since it frees the soul. My connecting with people isn't common these days, unfortunately. I've been quite the recluse.


Anyway... I'm not sleepy now, so I guess I'll enjoy the decent head-space while I can. Even if it is at this late hour.

I've been staring at a mess for days waiting my moodiness out. I think I'll finally go and wash that sink full of dishes.

Hand me down

Growing up with my sis we really had some memorable moments, especially comical ones.

She always cracks me up...
just read her latest entry, 'Them polyester pants'.

TOO FUNNY!