Sometimes being sick hovers over you. I'm aware of the sadness I feel when I'm due for my scheduled meds. Grateful, when they do provide relief. Frightened that the could care less attitude will take over the carefree one I strive for. It's those moments that keep me humble.

Then there is the little click in my mind setting off a spasm of nanosecond panic. What if the pills stop working again? What if my trust dissipates into paranoia? Like cripes, what if I'm right?

Mostly I can convince myself that I'll snap back quickly, or that my hormones are playing devils advocate impending that certain time of month. Sometimes, maybe I'm just having a bad day. Maybe that is all it is and nothing more.

There is a key to happiness. It involves having faith and letting go of doubt. Sometimes barely getting by is just enough. Worry is the enemy. The moment is where life really happens. Yesterday is lesson or fond memory. Tomorrow is another day. Mystery is far more interesting than knowing it all. Opinions are merely that and not facts. The people you love will at some point hurt you. Pain fades, time heals. If nothing else, always forgive yourself. Even mean people are nice, time to time. Don't predict an outcome, or the weather. You can choose your family but not your relatives (but its up to you to visit them or not). We all are connected, you need only reach. You're never really alone.

And the biggy...
Life really is a cliche and that's ok.


Milt Bogs said...

It's the reaching and asking that's hard sometimes. Have you managed to reach out to McDonalds? Reach out to McDonalds

jane said...

gosh, I can relate with all of your moods, all of your questions & doubts & wondering which of this is it? Or is it really real or just perceived.
Excellent post!

Milt Bogs said...

How are you doing Gabbi?

mainja said...

here's the truth, i'm not sure that the fear that they will stop working ever really goes away. i find myself second guessing myself a lot, but i think it's the second guessing that is what keeps me comfortable. i am fairly certain that if i start slipping i'll be able to notice and i can head to the doctor.

i can't tell you how many years it took me to figure out that pms brought about exactly the same symptoms as my depression. so i would be in a panic once a month. now whenever i start feeling like i'm slipping i stop and think 'wait now, what time of month is it, is it possible this is something else?'