The problem is...

The doctor only confirmed my personal diagnosis. Somehow I have to rid myself of stress which is hard seeing I have an easy life. Well, it would be easy if I weren't a basketcase. I'm pretty sure the insomnia is from the strain of feeling guilty for having it easier than some people. I can't get out of my head how weak I am.

Self sufficience please
It's hard to accept my limitations and not beat myself up about them. When all is said and done it would mean I am forever dependant on meds, family, my boyfreind. All of whom have enough to worry about.

Wide awake
I still can't sleep at night. Its nice to know I'm not alone, but as far as drinking goes I can't. I have pancreatis. Self medicating isn't an option. Niether is my eating if I want to wear anything.

When I take a nap I feel OK for awhile. Inevetiably the depression and anxiety follow. Honestly, I don't know what to do. Its such a sick feeling inside.

The hidden place
In order to heal I would need to stay home. There, I said it. And there is the guilt. I fear I'll become a shut-in. Other people deserve the solitude and peace more than I do and I haven't been able to deal with that. So I haven't left my job or committed myself to doing
anything around the house. I haven't done any art or fixed up the place. I'm not listing for my Ebay biz. There is no sanctuary, for now at least.

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