Automatic

Jane's blog got me thinking...
How can I break the habits that keep holding me back? The feelings I harbor against myself are immense. They have a vice like grip that keeps me from moving forward, pressing on. I disregard my potential, self punishing for simply being me. Isn't it about time I gave myself a break?

A book I'm reading expresses much the same Epiphany. We are more than our bits and pieces. A person is more than just segments of their lives. These details aren't character flaws but the breakdown, if you will, of an intact identity. We aren't defective. Those idiosyncrasies that make us are a response, not a weakness. They aren't failings. The way we exist, horrors and all have good reason. They aren't faults that blame us for being less than other people, that we are limited. So it all comes down to whether we still need those coping mechanisms.

I admit, I'm better at being dysfunctional because of practice. I've had plenty. But can't I be more than that? I'm denying myself a magnitude if I really give into the old (but comfortingly familiar) urges that are certain to lead to defeat. They may have served me well in the past, but they aren't currently providing safe-haven.

That perhaps finally, maybe, I can let some of those habitual knee-jerk reactions of mine go.