It isn't just the weather
A gray day. It's been raining all week, not that I mind. My heart is heavy. As dark as outside. Already night. Where has the day gone?

Sometimes I hate being a woman. The swell of emotions and discontent that being so accounts for every month. Needing to hear words that downplay insecurities. When nothing feels right. Not at all. Where silence is deafening as it reminds you how afraid you are to speak your mind.

Too much is never enough
How impossible! I can't keep up! The truth is we have too many things! What we have is a mess. Not having room. Finding out the things we have don't suit us or our habits.

I'm feeling less control than I ever did. I feel kept. It would be different if I had kids to take care of (though Amelie bares the same behavior as every two year old). It would be different if I was married.

'how could I be
so insecure

to think that he
could fill the missing
element in me' ~ bjork

I'm not complaining that someone intends to take care of me. I just feel intentions are always before the fact and never match the outcome. If I'm not doing it on my own I have no respect for myself. Simple as that.

1 comment:

Sera Strawbridge said...

I agree with the hating-to-be-a-woman- sometimes stuff. Had that same feeling all day today. And most likely for the next week too. Blah.