When I was just a kid I remember getting taller. In fact I contemplated the idea of actually being a bit fearful of the height I'd taken on so quickly. I also thought about how all the grown up things wouldn't be so scary because, well, I'd be grown up when I had to face them. Things such as high school, fitting in, hopeful in remedying being so klutzy, and being bullied.
It turns out none of those things I tried to convince myself I'd be ready for were any less scary. I was still afraid to cross the street as a teenager. More so scared of looking stupid, or being seen period. My friends would drag me to the class where the teacher made me talk and look dumb, only for me to run out the back door when they left (when I had friends). I made myself take the bus even though it felt like hell and I tended to miss my stop because I was too busy looking down, fidgeting fingers. Have and had some serious issues with eating in public too. I never did get over my anxiety over driving. I did however get my license, to prove to myself it wasn't lack of ability.
I'm getting older and I still feel childish. But there is some comfort, it's said growing up is highly over rated.
That's what post-it notes are for
Ok. I can't blame aging for everything. My meds play a part in making me feel and look a bit more of a stump than I really am. I find conversing or debating makes me feel so inadequate. Names, events, even the topic gets forgotten. I pretend I'm thinking of the right words to say, when in fact I haven't got a clue what was being said in the first place. Losing my train of thought? More like derailed and off track completely.
I'm not alone in this predicament. There are many others with the same problem. Everyone is very supportive and convinced all I need to do is write it down. There are so many sheets of paper and notebooks going because I forget where I put them in the first place (unless I get somewhere to put them). However none of the scrawling help when I leave the faucet on, or the stove, or forget to take my meds. Hmmm... Isn't that how I got this way in the first place?
Off on a tangent
Right now I'm trying to find ways to stay organized, that is when I'm not getting sidetracked every few minutes. I have the best intentions.
Now where was I?...