Presence

Life has been virtually the same. I have my off days, my better than most days - just like before. The only thing I've added to the mix is a tidbit of creative work in a community setting and it's made me feel better about myself.

I have to keep my work load low to keep the stress level down because I still have the uncanny ability to fall apart easily. I try not to self evaluate and accept that nature, cope and not negate. I'm getting somewhere even if its in my own time.

I'm reminded how important my blog friends have been. How nice it is to be thought of (thanks Jane) and the sense of history and sharing correspondence creates. I read more than I write these days. I sort of fear the introspection involved. Sometimes thinking pains me, silly as that may seem. But I realize putting myself out there is a step I cannot miss. To include it will make me whole. That to care and be cared about is a certain need for myself as it is for anyone. Thus, I am revisiting my published identity.

I'll put my first tell out there and let you in on a personal feeling of late. I am saddened how distant my in the flesh friends have been. Certainly life evolves and relationships change but I'm finally giving myself permission to feel slighted by the lack of contact they have had. Just an email or instant message is all it would take to keep ties. I'm not much for out and abouts but they could still keep in touch. I feel slighted, there it is in black and white.

Feeling productive and having my talents appreciated has given me the sense of self worth I've been lacking in one area of my life. Perhaps I'll expect more from the rest as well.