It's a bitter pill

Nobody wants to be drug dependant. It's even harder to choke down advice from the litany of squawkers and those opinionated types looking out for 'our' (the medicated) welfare. Bottled nuggets of sanity seem a cop-out to some nay-sayer's. We face countless motivating factors that give us reason to quit taking our medicine. The stigma does not bolster our desire for a pill form solution, contrary to popular belief.

So the lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeve. We eventually become inclined to rid our bodies of what we had finally mustered the strength to try. As if it wasn't hard enough to admit our short comings in the first place.

In a bid to be just like everyone else it becomes harder to recall the positive changes these mood stabilizers supply to yourself and those in your vicinity. Maybe it becomes harder to ignore the negative side effects and ugly symptoms even the latest innovations carry. Don't forget, economically these pharmaceuticals are costly habit, sanity does have a price.

So this is why many chemically imbalanced individuals attempt to go off their meds (a problematic if not fatal move without psych. supervision). We cycle through the various options often enough. I dare say that revolving door in itself is daunting.

All of that brings me to my current endeavor. The downside of being prescribed certain anxiety medication such as building up a tolerance (this requires raising the dosage over time to maintain the same effect). Another drawback is experiencing a 'rebound' effect (fast acting - short lived drugs cause withdrawal).

That is why I feel it is in my best interest to stay limited, to take only on an as needed basis. I personally test the waters by delaying the scheduled pill popping. Boy, do I try to deal with the resulting pangs of panic, and what not. But, because I use it to function, I am not an addict. Wow, watching "House" on the telly might teach ya somethin'.

Today I was forced to recall a rather un-nicety. Being forgetful the reminder of missing a pill proved quite jarring. Will I ever learn my lesson? Skipping a dose of xanax (accidental or deliberate) to keep the benzo monkey off my back, is not such a good thing...

Not a bit.